One dark and rainy morning in 2007, we realized through the fog of our hangovers that our beloved sport of roller derby was getting a little too serious for us to handle.
We missed the good old days of chucking back an In-n-Out Double Double and slamming a couple PBRs before a bout (yeah, it happened). When derby was so epic, we didn’t even really care who won or lost. When drunken wrestling matches with our teammates caused more injuries than skating in a bout (okay, maybe that still happens). When RollerCon was free. When hanging out with a bunch of ignacious shredder chicks on skates was the coolest thing that had ever happened to us. So cool we wanted to tell the world. We wanted to kegstand from the rooftops and shout, “IT’S THE FINALLLL COUNTDOWWWWN” at the top of our lungs before hip-checking each other into oncoming traffic.
And so we bring to you, fair maidens and Valkyries and vikings of the roller derby world: HELLARAD. Because we all need to be reminded that sometimes derby is not about skating.
WE ARE HELLARAD:
 |
Motley CruzSkater, S.F. ShEvil Dead/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Miss MoxxxieAnnouncer/Skater, S.F. ShEvil Dead/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
theSkatomasochistAnnouncer/Skater, Bay Area Derby Girls, Captain, Team Stupid |
 |
Mister MoxxxiePhotographer/Photoshop Dude/Funny Maker |
 |
J CrushSkater, Oakland Outlaws/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Mister BlockPixel pusher/Beer drinker/Funny thing sayer |
 |
Rioter’s BLOCKSkater, S.F. ShEvil Dead/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Taxi ScabSkater, Bay Area Derby Girls All-Stars |
 |
Bonnie DoomSkater, Oakland Outlaws/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Boss HoggPhotographer to the Derby Stars |
 |
belle.right.hooksSkater, Bay Area Derby Girls All-Stars |
 |
Kasey BomberCoach, Team Haggard/L.A. Derby Dolls |
 |
Injure RogersSkater, L.A. Derby Dolls |
 |
Chesty GillespieSkater, Oakland Outlaws/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Tae Kwon HoSkater, S.F. ShEvil Dead/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
Val CaponeSkater, Manic Attackers/Windy City Rollers, Announcer Extraordinaire |
 |
DumptruckAnnouncer Dude/Captain, Team Stupid |
 |
B-TrainSkater, Orange County Rollergirls |
 |
Dirty DCoach, Sacred City Derby Girls |
 |
Mexican Jumping MeanSkater, SF ShEvil Dead/Bay Area Derby Girls |
 |
MathemorticianSkater, Sacred City Derby Girls Sacrificers |
 |
Kitt Turbo Retired All-Star, Bay Area Derby Girls |
HELLARAD is a roller derby lifestyle- focused publication that exists primarily for our own entertainment. If you don’t get it, you’re probably taking it too seriously.